Do you remember those clunky overhead projectors? Perhaps you had one at your school, or maybe you've been to a church where one was used to project hymn lyrics on to the wall - like some sort of spiritual karaoke (seeing as both tend to take place in the wee hours of Sunday morning).
I liked the way the teacher had to always (ironically) project over the sound of the machine's fan, which was desperately attempting to keep itself cool. And on a cold day, you always wanted to be the one whose desk was used to support it, as it meant having hot air blowing into your face as those around you froze.
So imagine going back in time and showing your teacher this: It's the SHOWWX™ - and it just won the online vote for Best Product in the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.
Sadly, after a brief look at its specs online, it's only marginally better from its already established competitors.
Most of these products boast the same qualities:
Watch all your iPod crap on-the-go!
Do business presentations on-the-go!
Use it... to... do... other things - on-the-go!
Oh and apparently people who buy these mostly use them for watching snow-boarding clips:
And you can use them to play the Wii - see?
What's wrong with the above image? I'll give you a few seconds... Correct! You need to stand in front of the TV to play a Wii. And what happens if you stand in front of a projector? That's right! You block the screen! So if playing a Wii doesn't make you look mental enough, you can try awkwardly standing to the side like these guys. Even the dog's too embarrassed to watch them.
I took the liberty of borrowing the V10 Pocket Cinema - a similar product to the SHOWWX™ - in November last year, for a test run.
The first time I used it, it definitely did everything it says on the label - after strict video converting (which meant a loss of quality) and the realisation that to plug it into most devices, a separate lead needs to be purchased.
I put it to the ultimate test - sure it can be used to watch small clips - but can it be used in a more professional environment? To find out, I swapped the usual large, heavy duty and expensive projector I tend to borrow for the V10 Pocket Cinema while performing a version of my show, "If You Can Read This, My Cape Fell Off," in London.
The first major issue (aside from the smaller resolution) was the fact that this doesn't have any type of skew-control, meaning you can't project from any angle - you MUST have the projector directly in front of the screen in order for any of it to appear straight.
The second problem was that this tiny gadget has a tendency to overheat and not the greatest battery life, which meant it needed turning on every time there was a cue for a video. This resulted in awkward pauses as we waited for it to reload - each time with an annoying start-up sound.
You know what? I could keep listing these problems, but they're going to get boring, so let's just cut to the chase - yes it's a good idea in theory - but given it had so many drawbacks, you would only really want to use it in a novelty sense - and even then it's a pretty expensive novelty.
The SHOWWX™ tries its best to combat these problems (it has an expanded battery life and can be connected directly to your laptop - wait, what's that? The connection is available to purchase separately? Of course), but it doesn't really do enough to make it worth the dosh. It may have been quick to impress CES's fans, but its faults will be revealed just as fast.
My advice? Stick to normal home projectors and don't throw away that awkward overhead (if not, just for nostalgia's sake). At least until portable projectors can match those features of current home cinema projectors. Heck - I'm waiting out for when good quality portable projectors are built into netbooks. Yes please!
Listen up people! Word on the street is that now you can look cool and NOT die.
No, it's not the latest in personal alarm sunglasses, or a warning to other prescription drug-addicted pop stars. It's the electronic cigarette. Finally, a chance for me to know what it's like to smoke, without the coughing or cancer.
Before I continue, it's probably worth mentioning that most places which sell electronic cigarettes strongly warn that their products are only to be used as an aid to quit smoking and a doctor should be advised first. Therefore, I do not condone my awesomely cool decision to take up “fake smoking” (“foking”).
Smoke rings = cool Admitting to admiring JRR Tolkien = not cool Therefore: outcome is nuetral. Yay!
The main reason I wanted to take up foking was largely a geeky one. I've always wanted be able to blow smoke rings, thanks to JRR Tolkien. The problem being that I can't stand the smell of cigarettes and am the ultimate proof that those anti-smoking campaigns do work. Mainly because I'm incredibly squeamish and a bit of a hypochondriac.
So what is an electronic cigarette? Well, to answer my own (and therefore pointless) question, it is a gizmo which looks like a cigarette, with the white part being a rechargeable battery and the brown part housing a tiny atomiser and cartridge. All you do is suck on it, as you would a normal smoke, and the atomiser creates a mist (similar to that of a fog machine) by mixing the air with the ingredients in the cartridge. The end also contains a small LED, so it lights up as you inhale, giving you the full smoking experience, minus the burns. You can get cartridges in various nicotine strengths (I managed to get some in zero) and flavours (I got menthol because that's how I roll. Plus it takes the effort out of breath mints). Their mist evaporates without any lingering smells and they can be smoked indoors without affecting those around – though it is advised you buy one with a blue LED on the end so it's obvious it's not real and therefore less likely to end in an argument with the not-so-technology-savvy publican.
I've seen a couple of the them advertised in stalls at local shopping centres, but they are more easily found online and start at about £15 for a trial pack. They are pretty heavy, but are getting lighter and smaller as the technology evolves. You can also get electronic pipes, which give you more dapper-points. I would recommend those for gentlemen, professors and lesbians. Non-stereotypes can use them as well, I believe.
And the verdict? Well, we bought one for my boyfriend's Mum which she uses occasionally, but it hasn't stopped her penchant for the real thing. I enjoy mine as a novelty item if I'm at a BBQ, but am too afraid to use it more than that as I've already been teased enough by friends who say I “don't know how to hold it.” This said, it has come in handy when my boyfriend (an ex-smoker-only-when-drunk) has had a few and in the end, isn't ensuring that our loved ones stop cutting 13 minutes off their lives what it's really all about? Yes. Now away with you! I've got some looking cool in front of the mirror to do.
My fascination with the concept of Virtual Reality games began with an episode of Red Dwarf when I was 7 years old. Gunmen Of The Apocalypse. Of course, the Virtual Reality in TV reality is far more realistic than the obviously artificial reality it offers in actual reality. If scientists are looking for proof of multiple realities, then I think they'll find them within that last sentence!
Every couple of years I read an article about how advances in technology mean we have achieved the VR dream, but I'm yet to see proof. All I've managed to find are a bunch of products and “experiences” which claim to be Virtual Reality. They're not. Here are some examples of things I refuse to count as Virtual Reality:
ANY Virtual Reality games from the 90s. These are basically no different from taking a pair of toilet rolls, sticking them together and wrapping cellophane over the ends. It requires the same level of imagination.“See the world through the eyes of Bluey The Blue Robot on Planet Blue! This game is SO realistic, it's as if you were actually on Planet Blue where everything is – blue!” That said, my toilet roll idea would have better graphics and cause less seizures.
This guy from A-Ha doesn't seem to mind the back problems which will no doubt occur from his blatant disrespect for the stand. Take on THAT!
Games at arcades and fairs which include the use of a headset.
One of the best jobs I ever had was working at a video games arcade. I got it because I offered to help with a new Virtual Reality game from America they had just bought. To be honest, it was a little bit like buying magic beans. A lot of money went into creating the “theatre”, in which a paying crowd would sit and be attached to headsets and given a joystick which plugged into the seating. Except in this case, the beans never turned into a beanstalk and Jack and his Mum starve to death because he stupidly swapped a perfectly good cow for a video game which didn't deliver.
Before I explain how I fitted into this wonderous video game, I'll roughly explain how the game worked “officially”:
The game was set in a haunted fairground where you would have to compete against everyone else in various tasks. These would sometimes involve shooting ghosts on a roller coaster, or creepy clowns on a ghost train. After each task the game's Interactive Host would appear on the screen and show everyone's scores. At the end of the game the person with the highest score would get to fight the main bad guy in a boxing ring. The winner and the highest scoring half of players would be told they managed to escape the haunted fairground. Those who didn't score so well were TRAPPED forevermore in this virtual hell.
So how was this game Virtual Reality? Well, the headsets created a vague 3D effect and had fairly decent sound. They also each had a microphone attached, so the players could talk to each other (which is hardly impressive, considering they were all sitting within talking distance to one another). The joysticks were highly sensitive, so they could tell where the players moved them and how often they were shooting. The flooring beneath the chairs had sensors, so it could tell if anyone was running or stomping. Last, but not least, the microphone reacted to sound levels. To score points in the game you were encouraged to stomp your feet on the ground when running and yell out “BANG, BANG, BANG!” when you were shooting. Well, this is what we told the customers anyway.
How the game worked “unofficially”:
Firstly, the joysticks didn't work. I don't think they were ever supposed to. The techies revealed to me that there was no connection between the joystick plugs and the game, so basically they were useless. There were no sensors either. Oh and what the players saw in their headsets was a video. So if they shot a ghost or whatever, it was the same every time and for every one. Fortunately, at $10 a go, no one played the game enough to realise this. It was all an elaborate lie!
This is where I came in. Remember when I said that thing about the “Interactive Host”? You can't tell, but I'm tapping my nose in that knowing way that people do on the telly.
As you can imagine, a theatre which can seat up to 20 or so players was fairly large by video game arcade standards. Underneath the seating banks was a tiny room where the computer which ran it all was situated. My job was to sit in this room and watch some monitors which were hooked up to cameras above the group, enabling me to see what all the players were doing in their seats. I also had a microphone which would allow me to give the group their instructions, such as “Quick! There's a ghost! Shoot it! BANG BANG BANG BANG!” and “Oh no! We're being chased by a clown, quick! Run! Stamp your feet!” On the monitors I would see who was moving around the most and allocate them points using a keyboard. Yep. It was all rigged. If I was feeling particularly mean I would take points away from people I didn't like the look of and shower points on those I did. I kind of felt like God. But angry God from the Old Testament. Not the nice one we've all come to know and love in the Gospels. I wonder if God sits in a tiny room full of monitors...
...I imagine he's like that KFC guy in The Matrix.
But wait! I haven't even mentioned the best bit! My job as the Interactive Host was to sit in front of a white screen (like a blue or green screen, but... white) and react to whatever was in the video. So, for instance, at the beginning of the game I would appear in their headsets and tell them about how we were all trapped in this haunted fairground and how we all had to get away. Then the game's main bad guy would appear and “electrocute me” so I would have to shake and pretend I was being electrocuted. It was pretty cool. The only downside of the white screen was that if I was looking especially pale on a certain day I would sometimes turn out looking like Mulligrubs. It also meant I had to make sure I avoided wearing white t-shirts or dresses. I learnt my lesson on one occasion when a mixture of deducting points unfairly and a poor choice in clothing led to an angry boy yelling out, “You suck floating head!” Given that the seating banks were not closed off to the rest of the arcade, this quote would have certainly confused some of the other arcade patrons.
So this is why any arcade which tells you it has a Virtual Reality game is lying. It probably has something to do with a staff member being crammed into a tiny room somewhere, watching you on various monitors and subtracting points because they don't like your attitude.
Online Virtual Realities such as WoW and Second Life.
While the graphics of these games are getting better and better and their ability to suck in their users is impressive, they're yet to make that all-important step into a believable reality. I don't mean in a sense that the content needs to be believable, but that for these games to compete with the concepts introduced to us by the “Virtual Reality” games presented in films and TV, we would really need to genuinely feel we are in those worlds. Until then, these will always just be extravagant RPGs.
Video glasses.
These things have popped up recently over the years. They give the effect of a large screen TV, except conveniently directly in front of your face. Some of them do offer 3D effects and can be used in conjunction with game play, allowing you to turn your head in the game as you do in real life, though given that no one I know owns one, I'm yet to be convinced they're any good. Until I'm told otherwise I'm refusing to accept them as Virtual Reality, despite what eBay searches tell me.
The thing is, we are genuinely close to creating something worthy of the Virtual Reality name. You only have to look at the most recently designed flight simulators to know that. But we're also close to creating VR for the masses. Consider some of the Virtual Reality attempts above. All you really need is for the video glasses to be compatible with vast reality role playing games, chuck in some of that Wii motion detecting mojo and you've got the makings of a sufficient VR entertainment system. Of course eventually I'm sure they'll either create some suit which simulates the feeling of picking things up, etc (I remember a few years ago there was a prototype for a shirt which could simulate the feeling of being hugged), or they'll put some implant into your brain to trick you into feeling certain things, but until that happens, we're only an adaptable headset away from a fairly decent Virtual Reality.
It can also be said that Virtual Reality is a matter of perspective. Who am I to say that Virtual Boy never achieved the dream? Surely there was someone out there completely overwhelmed by its hi-tech specs? There must have been. 770,000 were sold. And while I knew that the video game I helped run was all based on lies, the amazing thing was the game got great feedback. People enjoyed playing it and loved having a new experience. They believed it was this amazingly advanced game which reacted to their movements and ability to yell “BANG!” while waving around a joystick which wasn't connected to anything. It didn't matter that it was fake to me, because it was a reality to them. Perhaps that's what Virtual Reality is all about. That said, if it is, I'm a bit disappointed. I'm still holding out for the day we can surf the net like they do in Futurama.
I'm really good at procrastinating. So much so, I created a quiz on Facebook the other day called "What Level of Procrastinator Are You?" as a means of getting out of doing some much needed writing.
Today was very much the same. So I bring you an assortment of videos to keep you amused when you should be doing something more important. That's right. I've taken the effort out of procrastinating for you.
You're welcome.
Various Video Games - using different food and objects
Can you name all the games referenced?
Space Invaders – using people
Various Video Games – using a marching band
Extra points for anyone able to name all the games referenced...
Super Mario Brothers - using paper and various food items
Pac-Man – using people
Donkey Kong – using Lego
Paperboy – using people (and a poor, unsuspecting paper delivery man)
Street Fighter – using 2 guys and some fairly decent stunts/effects
D-Pad Hero – The “Guitar Hero” of the NES world...
I recently decided that the solution to my inability to grasp the concept of time was to buy a watch. You see, I'm trying to nurture my budding inner-adult and what looks more grown-up than someone checking their watch? I will accept the answers, “nothing” and “someone checking their watch after clicking shut a briefcase full of statistics and non-biased newspapers”. Plus, this opened up an entire new realm of gadgetry to me.
The first “watch-style of awesomeness” I came across was a developing range: the phone watch. I liked this because I think people would look at me wearing it and say, “Oh! That girl must be a spy!” And I would be like, “Nope. Just a regular girl with a sweet watch.” These watches are balanced in that they are fairly affordable (as far as watches and phones go) averaging around £70-£100 each, but they also look pretty ridiculous. They're still at the chunky stage at the moment, so rather than thinking I were a spy, people are more likely to think that I'm under house arrest.
And you thought it was cool when James Bond's watch received a tiny fax...
I then checked out the infamous Swatch range. I wasn't completely aware of how vast the Swatch empire was until I found that they made a Fifth Element watch. This then led me to walk around the house for the next 15 minutes saying “Leeloo, multipass” and “chick-an”. Curious to see how far Swatch had gone to create the perfect watch for every person, I did a search for “egg watch” as my one major vice in life is the soft-boiled egg (and being able to dip buttered soldiers into its gooey, delicious, yellow goodness...). Blow me, if they didn't cater for the egg-lovers as well! (See below.) The downside? Many of these watches are now collectors items and cost about £100 on eBay. A lot of money for something which can't make phone calls.
It was when I found that during the late 80s and early 90s that a series of LCD game watches (largely commissioned by Nintendo) were released that I decided that my new hobby was going to be collecting these beautiful remnants of a childhood I missed out on.
I started by buying a Nintendo Tetris watch for about £22 on eBay – which was tear-jerkingly left under a leaky plant pot in the garden by the Mailman while we were away, so that by the time we got back and retrieved it the battery had dissolved from the moisture and ruined the rest of it. I am in the midst of claiming compensation for the second time after I was sent a set of 6 stamps and an apologetic letter: “My investigations into your enquiry have included checking all available service information and I cannot identify any reason why this problem occurred.” Uh – because your jackass of a Mailman left it under a leaky plant pot in the BACK YARD (who even gave him permission to go into our back yard?!) instead of taking it back to the Post Office for us to pick up.
R.I.P. Tetris Watch. I barely knew thee.
I then managed to get a Nintendo Starfox watch for about £10 including postage (a good price considering the average cost of the Nintendo watches is anything from £25-£50). The gameplay is difficult at best, but it looks damn awesome on my wrist, so I'm not complaining.
What time is it? Starfox time!
Unfortunately, I was forced to cut my collection short, as I started to realise that these aren't the best financial times to start investing in... well... time. That was until I decided to make ONE more purchase (I managed to justify it to myself by saying it was compensation for finding out my first watch was a write-off). After browsing http://www.rarewatches.net/ I came across a Transforming Robo Watch. These were again, produced in the late 80s early 90s and were cheap novelty items made in China. That said, the one on this site was going for £75. Now, I'm not stupid. No matter how amazingly fantastic I think something is, I know that chances are the same thing is cheaper elsewhere, and thanks to my old pal eBay, I managed to come across the same watch in its original packaging for £25. A large amount considering its quality, but I figure I'll just make sure I don't spend so much on booze next time I go out and my selfish side and my sensible side can call it quits.
I'm so wearing this baby to the new Transformers film.
Domo arigato Mr Roboto! - I set RoboWatch against my boyfriend's Casio. This could probably qualify for an entry into the Ultimate Character Fights.
So now I have 2 working watches. When I have more money, I'm going to try to obtain the elusive Super Mario World (also known as Mario Bros 4) watch. It looks freaking exciting. Until then, I can dwell on the fact that: a) I now have more than what is necessary in terms of watchage, considering only one is really needed. b) I have spent a grand total of £57 on the above watchage, though I should discount 6 stamps from that total (thanks for taking the piss Royal Mail). c) I originally set out to buy a watch in an effort to appear more mature and be more reliable. Instead, I now have 2 watches which scream out “I'M STILL COOL, HONEST!” and probably cause more procrastination than I ever dealt with prior to owning a watch.
Anyone who has ever had the luck to grace an Asian night market will know that the sights, sounds and (most distinctively) smells are an overwhelming experience which Western civilization has so far had difficulty replicating (no matter how good you say your city's China Town is).
But if you find yourself yearning for the adrenalin which comes with the discovery of an unidentifiable gadget (all you can tell is that it involves an LCD screen and the packaging has a poorly photo-shopped picture of David Beckham kicking a smiling frog into an inflatable couch) and your Stimulus Package isn't quite going to get you to Hong Kong, the internet is your ticket to Tacky Town.
Even if you don't intend on buying anything (let's face it, the validity of a site can be greatly questioned when it seems to be fluent in Engrish), the following websites are great for whittling away time which could have been better spent doing work. To be honest, the only way I justified viewing them for as long as I did was by writing this article. Nevertheless, enjoy!
Above: Fancy a USD$4.54 Wii knock-off? The above set could be yours - if you're prepared to buy 100 wholesale for USD$453.70... Below: These video-glasses make you look ridiculous whilst simultaneously rendering you blind to anything outside of them. I still want a pair. Both of these products are available at DHgate.com.
I'm an amatuer comic currently living in Scotland. I started stand-up when I was 18 and living in Adelaide, Australia. I moved to Melbourne for a few years for the comedy scene and am about to perform my show "Bec Hill in: If You Can Read This, My Cape Fell Off" in the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. It's about Superheroes.
Do you remember those clunky overhead projectors? Perhaps you had one at your school, or maybe you've been to a church where one was used to project hymn lyrics on to the wall - like some sort of spiritual karaoke (seeing as both tend to take place in the wee hours of Sunday morning).
It's the SHOWWX™ - and it just won the online vote for Best Product in the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.
What's wrong with the above image? I'll give you a few seconds... Correct! You need to stand in front of the TV to play a Wii. And what happens if you stand in front of a projector? That's right! You block the screen! So if playing a Wii doesn't make you look mental enough, you can try awkwardly standing to the side like these guys. Even the dog's too embarrassed to watch them.
The first time I used it, it definitely did everything it says on the label - after strict video converting (which meant a loss of quality) and the realisation that to plug it into most devices, a separate lead needs to be purchased.
This guy from A-Ha doesn't seem to mind the back problems which will no doubt occur from his blatant disrespect for the stand. Take on THAT!
...I imagine he's like that KFC guy in The Matrix.
D
